The message from the gods

A humorous dialogue between Cubans as recorded by Enrisco (my translation):

The message from the gods

– Did you see the news?

– About what? The migratory reforms? Carromero? The thing about Venezuela being ruled by the Holy Spirit? The arrival of cholera in Havana? Which one?

– All of them. It’s as if the all the planets have lined up.

– Lined up for what? The waiting line for kerosene?

– Stop with the bad and old jokes. This is about the fulfillment of the Mayan prophecies.

– Which one? The physical and spiritual transformation of humanity? The one about the meteor hitting the earth? The one about the world being swallowed up by a black hole? The beginning of an era of increased solar activity?

– Everything at the same time. The epidemic coming from the East, a message from the gods that disappears, another one that falls silent, the masses escaping. This is the low-income apocalypse. If a large fireball doesn’t devour this part of the planet it’s only because there’s a gasoline shortage.

– You’re being way too mystical. So tell me, what do you predict for the next few days?

– I don’t know where to start! Let’s see: Yoani Sanchez travels the world picking up every prize she has not been allowed to receive and on her return to Cuba, she gets a self-employment license so she can set up a trinket store with all of her trophies. The cholera epidemic has been brought under control, detained, and sent to prison. The Cuban government will then offer Obama a proposal to do a prisoner exchange for the Five Heroes of the Apocalypse. Chavez will rise from the ashes – or comes out of the freezer – only to realize that everything moves along much better than when he spoke on the television every day and he decides to change Venezuela’s constitution once again. As of now, the country will be run on autopilot; or, Raul will propose to trade the nation to Venezuela for more petroleum; or to Obama in exchange for lifting the embargo.

– These sound more like they came from the officials at the DTI at Songo- La Maya* than they do Mayan prophecies. You forgot about Carromero.

– He will receive a personal invitation from Raul Castro so they can award him with the Hero of the Cuban Republic medal and the State Security 50th Anniversary award for his role in the killing of two leaders of the opposition, for convincing the Spanish government to help advance the Cuban government in the European Parliament, and above all, for remaining silent. Since Weyler no Spaniard has been so successful in the pacification of the island.     

– You shouldn’t be so hard on the guy. He didn’t know anything, he was asleep in the car.

– That was the Swedish guy.

– No, both of them were asleep. It was the GPS that was doing the driving.

– I can only imagine. Origin: Havana. Destination: the tree on the road to Las Tunas – Bayamo.

– I have one more prophecy: The Nobel Prize for Medicine this year will be awarded to the specialists at Villa Marista for their achievements in behavioral psychology.

– If they don’t get the award, it would be an injustice. And an injustice is the last thing anyone is willing to tolerate.

[Translator’s Note: The DTI is the Castro regime’s Technical Department of Investigations, Cuba’s criminal police force located at the town of Songo-La Maya.]