Roll over, Einstein and Ghandi, Maduro is about to outshine you….


Breaking News:

Intellectuals around the world have begun to express their admiration for the high level of seriousness and the intellectual sophistication being displayed by Nicolas Maduro in his electoral campaign for the presidency of Venezuela.

“We haven’t seen thinking this deep since Jacques Derrida and Emmanuel Levinas were still among us,” said Pierre De Cravache, director of the Institute for Profundity at the College de France.

“Kant, Hegel, and Heidegger are rolling around in their graves, spinning like turbocharged lathes out of envy for such brilliance,” said Otto Staubfresser,  president of the Deutsche Wunderkind Gesellschaft .

Clive Awlsworth at the Royal Academy of Understatement simply exclaimed: “I’m stunned.”

The entire faculties of Columbia University, the University of California, Berkeley, and of the University of Chicago observed five minutes of silence in tribute to Maduro’s genius, after issuing a statement that read: “you have left us all speechless.”

And it’s not just at the intellectual level that the world’s greatest thinkers are awestruck.  Most of them are also expressing delight over the new heights into which the ethical and moral dimension of public discourse is being taken.

“This is bigger than Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela, all rolled into one,” said Ban-Shee Munkoh, chair of the Save the World Foundation.

The accolades began to emerge last week when the Venezuelan presidential candidate, heir to the legacy of the late Hugo Chavez, revealed that a little bird that visited him was the incarnation of his predecessor’s spirit, and that this avian messenger had said: “Hoy arranca la batalla. Vayan a la victoria. Tienen nuestras bendiciones.”  (The battle begins today. Onward to victory. You have our blessing.)

But the real buzz began yesterday, when Maduro donned a special hat for his campaign appearances — a wide-brimmed straw chapeau adorned by an effigy of the little Chavez bird.

«Miren qué bonito…Qué bello, con un pajarito allí. Parece un sombrero vietnamita, del ejército de Ho Chi Minh», said the heir to the Venezuelan palace of Miraflores. (Look how pretty….how beautiful it is, with that little bird on top.  It looks like a Vietnamese hat, from the army of Ho Chi Minh”).

When asked to comment, New York Times columnist and Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman gushed: “Move over Hobsbawm and Chomsky, now, finally,  you have some really serious competition in the footnote-and-quote department.”

Cuba experts and analysts could not be reached for comment, as they were all much too busy thinking about the Beyonce and Jay-Z visit to Havana, one of the most complex issues they have ever tried to tackle.

For a full report on the bird hat moment, go HERE (in Spanish)



6 thoughts on “Roll over, Einstein and Ghandi, Maduro is about to outshine you….

  1. Mongolismo a la máxima potencia. Increible que hay venezolanos que le den el voto a este anormal.

  2. You gotta hand it to these people, they’re giving new depth to Latrine America–as in digging the shit hole ever deeper. Even the Castro crowd wouldn’t sink to this level of patently absurd and risibly cheesy BS. But then again, Maduro is a moron, or certainly treating Venezuelans as if they were. Needless to say, anybody who’d vote for him should have his head examined.

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