Thrilling news for all communists, everywhere… and some suggestions for the Russians

Fidel Castro

Cubans have a living mummy that occasionally pops up here and there, scaring the living bejeezus out of them.  But all that Russians have is the 90-year-old corpse of Lenin, which never ventures from its mausoleum.

After a brief hiatus, Lenin’s mummy is back on display.   All who missed it will surely welcome its return.

How boring.

The Russians should learn a thing or two from the Castro brothers about using their mummy like a jack-in-the-box surprise.  Pop!  There it is, wearing a straw hat and riding a parade float in St. Petersburg!  Pop!  There it is casting a ballot in the latest fraudulent election, somewhere in the Urals.  Pop!  There it is shaking hands with the pope in Vladivostok.

Old Vladimir would have a far greater impact if he were to imitate Fidel and Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s.  That element of surprise would lend such an aura of ubiquity and continual authority, such as that enjoyed by Fidel’s mummy.

Take him for tours.  Maybe use something like the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, except with a hammer and sickle impaling a fat capitalist instead of just a hot dog on a bun.

Surprise!  It’s Uncle Vlad!   Come on Putin, time for you to catch up to your Caribbean friends.


From the BBC:

Lenin’s mummy back on display

The mausoleum containing the body of communist leader Vladimir Lenin has reopened in Moscow’s Red Square after months of renovation work.

The mausoleum closed in 2012 for urgent repairs to fix the building’s foundations.

Lenin’s embalmed body has been been on display for almost 90 years, following his death in 1924.

A recent poll suggested that more than half of Russians wanted Lenin’s body removed from display and laid to rest.

The red granite tomb, one of Russia’s top tourist attractions, was built on the site of a former moat around the Kremlin.

It had suffered water damage to its foundations and was shut for for the first time in its history so the foundations could be reinforced.

Some Russians think Lenin’s body should be laid to rest

There are strict rules for those visiting, the BBC’s Steve Rosenberg reports from Moscow. Visitors are not allowed to speak, they cannot take in cameras and they must keep moving around the glass sarcophagus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has previously said it should be up to the people to decide what happens to Lenin’s body.

“People from the Soviet Union – we of course can’t imagine Red Square without the mausoleum,” Moscow school teacher Ekaterina told the Reuters news agency.

“But from the point of view of Christianity – the man should have been buried, and indeed there are many questions on this subject, and of course it’s difficult to answer how this should be done exactly.”



2 thoughts on “Thrilling news for all communists, everywhere… and some suggestions for the Russians

  1. Prof. Eire with his usual flair and unmatched style [well, maybe only by Fontova] notes that the Cuban tyranny has one over Russia, namely in the use of their mummy. I must say, he’s so right! The Russians need to get on the ball and should start bringing out their mummy more often, but then again, I don’t think that Putin is as clever as fidel and raul. After all, he doesn’t have a gay-rights crusading daughter [mariela], nor does he have as many “Russian experts” in American Universities [Lopez-Levy, Sweig, etc… anyone?] as the castro’s have. Also, he hasn’t turned Russia into a monarchy with a delphin waiting in the wings.

    No, Cuba is definitely an example of a copy surpassing the original.

  2. The Russians, in their way, are as hopeless as the Latrines. In both cases, the dysfunction is major, age-old and apparently intrinsic. These people have never flown right. It’s not at all certain they ever will.

    As for Lenin’s carcass, if the Russians had any real dignity or self-respect, they’d insist that it be incinerated, or at least buried and put out of sight forever, and that his damn mausoleum be razed to the ground as a monument to evil.

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