Oaf Alert: Diana Nyad takes on “Dancing With the Stars”


It could turn out to be more painful to watch than any stunt on “Jackass.”  And, come to think of it, she’s much better suited for that show.

But “Jackass” has proven itself  too classy, in the long run, and passed up the Z list.

Yes, “Dancing With the Stars” is now tapping the Z list.  Or should it be called the “zzzzzzzzzzzzzz….” list?

If they have to sink so low as to showcase Diana Nyad, you know they’ve hit bottom.

Perhaps they’ll switch the format  and turn it into an endurance  marathon, in which case she will surely win.  Or maybe they will feature Cuban music exclusively and hire a band of genuine Cuban “balseros” to provide the music.

Maybe she’ll dance in a shark cage, suspended from the ceiling over a tank full of sharks.  Or maybe she will wear nothing but jellyfish.   (AAAYYYYYYYYYYY! &*&^%$!, Que asco!  No me jodas!).

Or maybe the “balseros” can jump into the shark tank one by one while she gyrates in the cage above, creating a sub-contest within the contest, the aim of which is to determine which Cuban can survive the longest before drowning or being eaten by the sharks.

Yeah.  “Dancing With the Stars/ Balsero Survivor”…  Emmy contender, for sure.

Anyway, the world’s finest newspaper, The Daily Mail, snapped photos of the so-called “Stars” today, as they emerged from rehearsal.   Here she is…. glamour and sensitivity personified.


What about her competition?  Never mind.  Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years” (Danica McKellar) — who is now 39 years old, believe it or not — has been paired with a guy who looks way too much like George Zimmerman.

No shark cage for Winnie, no balseros.  Just “George” and skimpy costumes.  Class at its classiest.  But they really should have paired her up with Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage).


Diana Nyad, Billy Dee Williams, Candace Cameron, Drew Carey Join Dancing with the Stars, Season 18

Lando Calrissian vs. D.J. Tanner? Nene Leakes vs Drew Carey? Winnie Cooper vs Diana Nyad? Oh fine, Dancing with the Stars — we’ll watch another season.

Everyone’s favorite celebrity dancing competition is returning for its 18th season (!) and the just-announced lineup of competitors is a veritable Whitman’s Sampler of athletes, C-list celebrities and upstart child stars. Sure, Scandal is trying to usurp the word “gladiators” for their inside-the-Beltway battles, but we know who the real gladiators are: those who dare to step on to the dance floor wearing nothing but polyester, maximum strength hairspray and sequined Spanx in public. So who’s competing in the glitter Thunderdome this year?

The frontrunners will no doubt be Olympic ice dancers Meryl Davis and Charlie White, who took the gold at the Sochi Olympics, and will be competing to really impress their future in-laws with a Mirrorball Trophy. Giving Davis an additional edge? She’s paired with pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who is returning to the show after sitting out last season.

In an ’80s television dream match-up, The Wonder Years star Danica McKellar will face off against Full House actress Candace Cameron Bure. Comedian-turned game show host Drew Carey will show off his Price is Right-honed dance skills against swimming legend Diana Nyad, acting (and advertising) great Billy Dee Williams and former Real Housewives of Atlanta reality star/actress NeNe Leakes….

… The new season of Dancing with the Stars kicks off March 17 with Erin Andrews joining the star-spangled circus as the new co-host along with Tom Bergeron.

Get the whole scoop and all the photos HERE.



7 thoughts on “Oaf Alert: Diana Nyad takes on “Dancing With the Stars”

  1. Wait, forget Cuba; this makes no sense. Maybe I don’t get how the show works (I’ve never seen it), but this sounds like a bad joke. Surely they’re not putting her on to be laughed at, which would be dangerously un-PC. Is it a kind of circus-freak deal? Who’s going to be her partner? Billie Jean King? Martina Navratilova? They can’t possibly pair her with a man, though I suppose an overtly gay one might fly. Bizarre.

  2. I’ve seen a real-life late middle-aged TV (male), not even remotely as convincing as Ru Paul, but plain and even dowdy, still look more like a woman than Nyad.

  3. asombra, you did it again. I love your ideas for dance partners for Nyad. It could also be a lithe graceful lady. That way, fittingly, Nyad could be the male of the pair.

  4. Since Carlos shouldn’t be the only one wasting his time on Diana Nyad, here’s an update: she was paired with a professional dancer named Henry Byalikov, who looks pretty gay to me, so I guess he’s a suitable partner. She actually wore recognizably female-type clothing and danced some sort of foxtrot (I couldn’t make myself watch the video clip online, though):


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