February 03, 2005
Stay Calm. I'm in Charge Now
Move Over, Al Haig
Val Prieto isn't blogging today. He had to go to the hospital earlier. I forget why. He told me, but I was busy with important stuff, like alphabetizing my vast collection of midget porn DVD's.
He claimed he fainted at his desk, but I think we all know the truth. Did you ever see the episode of Seinfeld where George built a special napping shelf under his desk? Val hasn't perfected his shelf, so he decided to use the floor. If his boss buys the act, soon Val will be spending the entire day down there, with a Cuba libre and a TV remote.
Val's loving wife Maggie is very supportive. She told me the MRI of his head "came back negative," indicating that the doctors were unable to locate his brain.
I think the real problem is obvious, but no one will bring it up because it's taboo in Cuban society. Val is a colada addict. If you're used to a massive hit of espresso every morning at ten, and one morning you don't get it, your brain can actually contract to the size of a sultana, leading to dizziness, fainting spells, and a sudden desire to buy a tank top with Che Guevara's picture on it.
At this point, Val can only be saved by puncturing his eardrum and pouring hot espresso directly into his cranium.
Although one other remedy has been suggested.
That espresso ear thing doesn't sound half bad. I may test that on myself.
Don't worry, Val. I will be here to help you get your message out until you feel better.
CASTRO SUCKS! A BAJO FIDEL! Oh, and JETS SUCK TOO!
I'll send you a bill later. Get well soon.
Posted by Steve H at February 3, 2005 05:00 PM
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Comments
Fortunately they serve "cuban rocket fuel" here at work, every hour on the hour. I cant imagine a workday without it.
Steve H's diagnosis may be correct.
Posted by: Zoloft at February 3, 2005 05:16 PM
..caffiene is a food group...
Posted by: j.scott barnard at February 3, 2005 06:27 PM
I think we should do an informal poll. Maybe we all have something in common besides reading Babalu. I can't function until I've had at least 4 cups of expresso. I'm talking about a 10oz mug here. Folks?
Posted by: Kathleen at February 3, 2005 06:31 PM
Kathleen, you dainty tenderfoot. The whole pot, girl! All of it - 20-40 cups of pure mud!
Posted by: A.M. Mora y Leon at February 3, 2005 06:46 PM
;)
Posted by: A.M. Mora y Leon at February 3, 2005 06:49 PM
My daily regimen includes a cup-and-a-half in the morning, a half-colada at 11 AM, a cup (or two at 4:30 PM), and an occasional swig in the evening. Am I hyper? Not a bit. I sleep like a very nervous baby...
To counteract the effects of the Cuban coffee, I recommend two fluid ounces of Kentucky's finest, Maker's Mark, with plenty of ice.
Posted by: George L. Moneo at February 3, 2005 06:52 PM
Geprge, a couple of Mojitos works as well.
Posted by: Kathleen at February 3, 2005 07:35 PM
Get that man some ropa vieja!
And some flan. Pumpkin flan. No, wait, chocolate flan. No, no, flan de cafe.
Nevermind, I'm keeping all the damned flan for myself. Don't even look sideways at that spoon there, piano boy.
Salud, Val!
Posted by: Wind Rider at February 3, 2005 08:57 PM
Have the contractions started?
Posted by: Keith at February 3, 2005 10:10 PM
And who gets to check to see if he's dialated?
Posted by: Keith at February 3, 2005 10:10 PM
I have read all the theories on Val's condition that were posted on his blog, but I have a theory of my own. And since I am his youngest neice I obviously know what I am talking about.
You see Val was on the front page of the The Miami Herald, like any other famous celebrity he know needs to do crazy things to get attention. Who here has not pulled a Britney Spears and gotten married in Vegas just to get attention....who here has not made a terrible movie then had a mental breakdown a-la-Mariah Carey...etc. tell me the truth who here actually thinks Val didn't plan this whole situation out, you know, now that he is famous.
Actually Uncle, I hope you are okay and feeling much better. I will see you next week when I visit the Sunshine State and get away from this snow for a while.
Posted by: Maura at February 3, 2005 10:15 PM
I dont know if the boss is going to fall for his little trick now that the cat is out of the bag. It did seem that he was spending way too much time under his desk lately.
Posted by: The Boss at February 4, 2005 07:14 AM
Just be sure it wasn't an attempt on him by the Bearded one.........
Posted by: Herbie at February 4, 2005 08:44 AM
Best of luck Val, hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: Cindy at February 4, 2005 09:20 AM
PLEASE get well soon, your missed. I can't believe you left Steve in charge, just shows how ill you must be.
Posted by: Jude at February 4, 2005 10:43 AM
Oh, sweet Jesus. Steve's now in charge? What's next, pasty white guys dressed like a bad Desi Arnez movie? "Mandy" played on the vibes? Decaf coladas???
Posted by: JoeB at February 4, 2005 01:32 PM
I for one am a HUGE Colada drinker. And I've found that if I go for only a few days WITHOUT drinking Cuban coffee I slip into a headache-faint ridden withdrawl. So I propose that perhaps he didn't have his buchito! Maybe, someone out there can figure out a way to take this stuff through an I.V.!
Anyhow, cuidate Val!
Posted by: Songuacassal at February 4, 2005 01:36 PM
Wind Rider wrote ".....Pumpkin flan. No, wait, chocolate flan. No, no, flan de cafe......" Can you send me those recipes? I need them for my upcoming, non profit/fund raising cook book. In the best traditions of Joseph Ellis, Jason Blair, Senator Joe Biden and Ellen Goodman I am plagiarizing all recipes. Steve H. has threaten to sue me if I purloin his recipe on butt chicken but he is why down the list of those suing or threatening to sue, I think he is about 87th on the list. However, I think he is the #l in Blogosphere when it comes to wit/humor/writing (a poor man’s Will Roger that can cook) [now having said this do you think he will drop his threatened law suit?]
Posted by: Joe Owen at February 4, 2005 10:55 PM
the midol thing...very funny! that made me chuckle!thanks!
Posted by: Ekaterina Amador at February 5, 2005 12:20 AM
