April 27, 2005
The World's Greatest T-shirt Salesman
You know who it is, don't you? His t-shirts are found all over the world. On college campuses, at protests, at Union halls, even at rap concerts and Oscar Awards.
Yes, that's right. Che Guevara is the World's Greatest T-shirt Salesman. So much so that he's opened up a new chain of superstores to rival those capitalist hegemons like WalMart and Big-K.
Yes! You read correctly! Look for the new Che-Mart opening soon in your local bourgeois shopping mall.
Not only will Che-Mart be carrying all of the World's Greatest T-shirt Salesman's wearables and merchandise, but the World's Greatest T-shirt Salesman is a marketing genius. It's not just about the clothes, you see. It's all about the lifestyle:
To be like Che we must:1. Disassociate ourselves from our trust-fund money and middle-class parents.
2. Attain the "I've been in the Amazon jungle for six weeks" look. Those clean clothes from Old Navy aren't going to cut it. Rush out and buy a Che T-shirt first. A bedraggled combat jacket is also essential. Heavy boots are a must.
3. You've had your last wash buddy! From now on all forms of personal hygiene are to be abandoned. Haircuts are a thing of the past.4. Induce Mom and Pop to buy an old, beat-up Volvo (something from the mid 80s should do). Your fellow revolutionaries dare not see you in the Lexus or the Infinity.
5. If you have to leave the revolution (campus) for a trip home to Mom and Pop (capitalist pigs), try sleeping in the basement or outside with the trash. Your revolutionary look must be kept up at all costs.
6. Endear yourself to your fellow revolutionaries by making up tall stories of a hard life under capitalist oppression. Something along the lines of "my father was small turd farmer in Nebraska until the Republicans ruined everything."
7. Visit Starbucks not more than once a week. That stuff is expensive; you're supposed to behave like a common peasant.
8. Never be seen leaving or entering the bank.
9. Diss America.
10. Develop a mild dependence on recreational substances.
11. Exhibit utter disdain for large corporations, such as, McDonalds (until you seek employment from one, in about five years). If Che were alive today he would be actively fighting against such an "enemy."
12. Your Internet access is strictly for gathering information on the revolution.
13. While on spring break, practice revolutionary skills. Try to collapse the local government with your band of revolutionaries (drunken buffoons). Remember to bring MasterCard or Visa in case of bail.
Make sure to drop by your local Che-Mart, and bring plenty of yanqui imperialist capitalist dollars.
Posted by Val Prieto at April 27, 2005 07:53 AM
Comments
Brilliant!
Posted by: Matthew Peek at April 27, 2005 08:47 AM
Spring break destination: A solar in Havana. That would do wonders for a Che wannabe. Maybe he could learn how to use a rice cooker (homemade one)
Posted by: CB at April 27, 2005 09:01 AM
Un-stinking-believable!!!! Masterly post, Val! I'm gonna spread it around!
Posted by: A.M. Mora y Leon at April 27, 2005 09:52 AM
Bro, seriously, don't you think we're giving this guy too much attention, by posting his face everywhere? I mean, I like to make fun of him and the people that wear him. But that makes him more popular with people that think the wrong things are cool. Fuck Che, just another dead Marxist/Leninst/stalinist murderer. The Real Objective is to take out Castro, Vaya let's make a website that includes all his lies, people that have died under him (Including Camilo Cienfuegos, and "Che", cause I believe Castro killed them off because the got too "Popular"), People that are imprisoned under him. Let's poke fun at him, his regime, his police, his brother (Raul Castro is such a queer), at the "Revolucion", and yeah, Che. Let's also review anti Castro Movies, music and such... Vaya vamos acabar con el hijo de puta, Cuban Yuma Style!
Posted by: Felix Ricardo at April 27, 2005 10:08 AM
HA! Another Ché Movie! lol, as if the guy was the almighty himself:
"CHE" (2005)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0374569/
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Writing Credits: Terrence Malik, Benjamin Van Der Veen
"Plot Outline: An epic about Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara, who fought for the people."
Drumroll please....
...and the casting for the Revolutionary hero goes to....
BENICIO DEL TORO
also casted:
Javier Bardem
Benjamin Bratt
Ryan Gosling
Rob Macie
Franka Potente
Paul Vasquez
...and more
Posted by: Felix Ricardo at April 27, 2005 11:48 AM
You all have to go to Dissident Frogman for great t-shirts:
http://www.thedissidentfrogman.com/dacha/index.html
We are making this our official logo for Academic Freedom over at Quid.
Posted by: Quid at April 27, 2005 01:02 PM
HEY GUYS IT'S ME...THE ONE FIGHTING THE GREEK ORTHODOX MISSION CENTER TRYING TO GO TO CUBA! REMEMBER?
I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A FEW T SHIRTS MADE WITH CHE WEARING MICKEY MOUSE EARS (LIKE DISNEY CHARACTER) AND GIVE THEM TO THE TOURIST VISITNG CUBA, WHAT THE HECK...LETS HAVE SOME MADE RIGHT NOW AND PASS THEM OUT!!
NOTHING OFFENSIVE....JUST MAKE A STATEMENT...PEOPLE WILL SURELY WANT TO KNOW!!
HMMMMM.....
Posted by: CARMEN at April 27, 2005 01:17 PM
dude, like they totally have those already. The dissidant frogman site has it.
Posted by: Felix Ricardo at April 27, 2005 01:50 PM
.....or have him riddled with bullets and have a caption that says "What goes around, comes around."
Posted by: Felix Ricardo at April 27, 2005 01:51 PM
Hey guys,
Thanks for the post. Would you believe our unwashed friend is copyrighted.
How do I go about getting permission to put the "Face of The People" on a Tshirt and invest my profits in General Dynamics or Lockheed Martin
Posted by: Che-Mart at April 27, 2005 03:32 PM
What is very apparent and clear out of these "movies" is that actors are just whores. They may attribute their total lack of morality when choosing a movie role to "artistic decisions" but god damn it, SOME semblance of decency should at the very least be around. So it is just a matter of CASH! How non-capitalist and proletariat of them.
For Javier Bardem to have done “Before the night falls” to learn about the life, the struggle and the pain of Reinaldo Arenas and then get involved in any project presenting el Che in a positive light is just beyond comprehension.
It just makes me sick to my stomach!.
there , rant off!
Grrrrrr!
Posted by: KillCastro at April 27, 2005 05:25 PM
Perhaps this is the "caja grande" retailer that the Grove has been looking for! The Grove says no to Home Depot, but Si to Che-Mart! Should go over nicely.
Posted by: C. Blank at April 27, 2005 06:55 PM
And today the Apprentice was all about selling T-Shirts.... To my surprise, they didn't think of making a killing (pun intended) by selling Che t-shirts at the staff door of the NYTimes. Or maybe ABC. Or NBC. Or CNN. Or CBS. Or about the campuses of Columbia and NYU.
Two notes to Donald Trump: You didn't see the opportunity to make a buck out of Che with all the leftists that we have in NYC! (or maybe you're a decent human being and I respect you for that)
The second note to Donald Trump: Don't let your eyes wander away off Val's back, the guy is going to sell a lot of T-Shirts at Cuba Nostalgia! He is going to outsell you Donald!
Posted by: CB at April 28, 2005 10:22 PM
Val- You are amazing! I love that site. I'm not even Cuban! I found more anti-Che shirts at http://www.thoseshirts.com/ where I proudly just bought a VIVA LA REAGAN REVOLUCION shirt- it's a hoot.
Keep it up!
Claudia
Posted by: Claudia at May 1, 2005 12:34 AM
Val- You are amazing! I love that site. I'm not even Cuban! I found more anti-Che shirts at http://www.thoseshirts.com/ where I proudly just bought a VIVA LA REAGAN REVOLUCION shirt- it's a hoot.
Keep it up!
Claudia
Posted by: Claudia at May 1, 2005 12:34 AM
Hey Guys,
I should have some anti-Che t-shirts for sale within the next week or see. I actually had to go spend some money on a copyright lawyer. Its so difficult when commies copyright themselves
Posted by: Che-Mart at May 2, 2005 07:12 PM