August 24, 2005
Your gas worries are over!!!!
Fret not, dear readers, about the high price of gas! A magnanimous savior has come to rid us of our gasoline burden! Hop on into your SUV's and trucks and take a drive over to your nearest Citgo station. Cheap gas will be available to all those Americans feeling a financial pinch.
We want to sell gasoline and heating fuel directly to poor communities in the United States," the populist leader told reporters at the end of a visit to Communist-run Cuba.Chavez did not say how Venezuela would go about providing gasoline to poor communities. Venezuelan state oil company PDVSA owns Citgo, which has 14,000 gas stations in the United States.
And once you've had your capitalist imperialist gas guzzling vehicles topped off at your local Citgo, make sure to drive on over to your local airport and book a flight to Venezuela or Cuba, where you will be given free, universal health care by none other than the magnanimous Chavez and his esteemed colleague fidel castro. Get those breast implants while their hot, and free!!!
To wit:
Chavez and Castro offered to give poor Americans free health care and train doctors free of charge.
Our problems have been solved!!! Oh glorious day!!!
Posted by Val Prieto at August 24, 2005 12:44 PM
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Comments
Well, now I know who to boycott, at least.
Posted by: Julio at August 24, 2005 12:50 PM
You beat me to the post. Damn!
Posted by: George L. Moneo at August 24, 2005 12:54 PM
I wondering far our administraion is going to bend over for these two before they do something and SHUT THEM UP!!!!
Posted by: Kathleen at August 24, 2005 01:29 PM
Thank Heavensw for little dictators who will come and save us from big bad gas price hikes. Our prayers have been answered.
Posted by: Candy at August 24, 2005 01:38 PM
This impudent little bastard is attempting to interfere with the government of the United States. I can hear the communist left, screaming about greedy corporations ripping us off, oh yes let's cut out the middleman and with it our jobs and democracy. This is infuriating.
Posted by: Kathleen at August 24, 2005 01:40 PM
Duh. I mean Citgo is already in a bunch of poor neighborhoods all around the country. You can even buy heating oil or kerosene at some of those stations. They ARE selling gasoline and heating oil directly to poor people.
Posted by: caltechgirl at August 24, 2005 01:41 PM
Why not seize all 14,000 Citgo gas stations as enemy property and put a peaceful end to the "Bolivarian" Revolution?
Posted by: M.A.T. at August 24, 2005 02:08 PM
Hey, can't we just kill two birds with one stone and send all the moonbats to Cuba and Venezuela?
Posted by: Improbulus Maximus at August 24, 2005 02:30 PM
OK, so riddle me that: Why is gas so much more expensive in Cuba than in the U.S.?
Posted by: Eleggua at August 24, 2005 03:03 PM
The citgo down the street from me has gas at about $2.50 a gallon, same as it is in every other station in the area.
I'm waiting for Chavez to drop the price. What's he going to do, check my income tax returns?
Posted by: bryan at August 24, 2005 03:53 PM
If you run out of fuel and feel like going "natural and organically communist" while in North Carolina, you could always stop for a good automatic brain-washing at Durham Food Coop.
Check this out:
"Fuel a revolution, buy your gas at Citgo!"
http://www.durhamfoodcoop.org/node/54
Ask for Jeff Cohen or "Shub" the brainers behind this propaganda/sale effort.
PS: you may wanna drop these boys a note; I already did.
Posted by: LaMaraca at August 24, 2005 06:10 PM
Dammit. we just left Chapel Hill. I'll bet that sign is up at Weaver St. in Carrboro too.....
Posted by: caltechgirl at August 24, 2005 09:04 PM
Wonderful, free medical care by a doctor with a degree from the Close-cover-before-striking School of Medicine.
Say there's a 1000 final year medical students in Cuba. The school is planning on holding back 300 for another year, throwing out 200 and graduating 500. But Castro says he needs a thousand doctors to send to Venezuela or elsewhere. How many end up with diplomas? Yep, all thousand.
Posted by: Jay at August 25, 2005 04:44 AM
That Hugo Chavez is one busy guy. What, with him being the president of Venezuela and the First Lady of Cuba, and now this!
Where does he find the time?
Posted by: Rachel at August 25, 2005 07:19 PM
Pat Robertson should have carried out his wishes WITHOUT announcing it to the whole fricking world!
Guess he was "lusting in his mind" like that loser, Jimmy Carter
Posted by: Pat A at August 25, 2005 11:21 PM
Ask Chavez to sell gas inthe US at the same price as in Venezuela, about 19 cents a gallon!
Posted by: frank at August 27, 2005 01:32 PM
"Assuming your car gets 35 miles per gallon, here is how far $20 of gas will take you in various countries around the world:
Germany: 127 miles
United States: 342 miles
Venezuela: 4,624 miles"
Foreign Policy, March/April 2005, p.18 as cited in http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2005/02/gas_prices_arou.html
There you have it, you can cross the US with 20 bucks.
Posted by: frank at August 27, 2005 01:38 PM
