August 19, 2006
The American's Guide to Cuban Diseases
Destemplanza: Mysterious body temperature, not high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school and work. Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association and understood only by doctors of Cuban origin.
Patatú: Attack of obscure origin that can strike at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization, yet is undetected by medical technology. Victims tend to be males and females over the age of 50 years.
Sirimba: Attack with similar symptoms as the Patatu's but not as serious and with shorter duration. Can be alleviated by lying on a bed with a wash cloth soaked in alcohol on the forehead.
Sereno: Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance. There are no physical symptoms and can only be detected by the Cuban elderly. The effect of having this disease is unknown: children must not be taken out at night without proper head gear or risk of contamination is certain.
Empacho: Digestive disorder which occurs after the consumption of a large Cuban meal, (i.e. Nochebuena). The only known cure for this disease is "Sal de Fruta ENO", (Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective).
Mollera: Soft cranial spot found on new born babies of Cuban origin. Much more sensitive than that of Americans. The slightest touch to that area can lead to irreparable brain damage.
Locura Ovarial (Ovarian Induced Dementia): A strange phenomena that occurs when a woman proceeds to wash her hair while menstruating. Can also strike if a woman takes a shower in the 40 days immediately following childbirth. Symptoms include inappropriate behavior requiring the sufferer to be committed. First studied at Cuba's "Mazorra Clinic for the Terminally Insane". Every Cuban family has at least one case.
Chochera: Syndrome affecting all Cuban senior citizens to different degrees. Characterized by all around crabiness and irritating behavior. Treatment: Permanent stay at nearest nursing home.
Punzada del Guajiro (Brain Freeze): Sharp pain of short duration in the head occurring after a particularly cold beverage. First reported by "guajiros" (rural Cuban farmers) upon first experiencing refrigerated liquids. Although bothersome, it doesn't have long-term effects.
Cuerpo Cortado (Cut Body): Frequent and mild condition of unknown ethnology. Symptoms include but are not limited to: Fatigue lack of energy and chronic whining.
Moño Virado (Twisted Bonnet): Psychological imbalance of short duration that causes strange mood swings, violent irritating behavior as well as general unpleasantness. Extremely common. Can strike anyone regardless of age or gender.
Rabadilla: Skeletal region located at the end of a Cuban's spinal cord. Has absolutely no equivalent in the Gringo's anatomy.
Posted by George Moneo at August 19, 2006 07:48 AM
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Comments
I don't know if this is a Cuban cure, but in my two years in Miami, I learned that Veeksvaporoob was the cure for everything.
In Chile, eating warm vegetables was sure to make one ill. There were also certain food combinations -- beets and something else that I can't remember -- that were DEADLY! DEADLY, I TELL YOU!
Posted by: class factotum ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.babalublog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at August 19, 2006 12:51 PM
I think it's called "Patatun"
Posted by: Felix Ricardo at August 19, 2006 05:47 PM
You omitted La Siquitrilla, as in le partieron la siquitrilla.
Posted by: delacova at August 20, 2006 11:46 AM
You omitted La Siquitrilla, as in le partieron la siquitrilla.
Posted by: delacova at August 20, 2006 11:47 AM
Moneo-LOL, and thanks for the memories.
Delacova, la siquitrilla is not an ailment -it's a body part.
Posted by: omar at August 21, 2006 12:07 PM
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