October 31, 2006

Insults with class

I love a good insult. Maybe it's a result of watching Don Rickles too much on the Tonight Show growing up. So I'd like to share some of my favorites. Winston Churchill, God love 'im, was a master at the putdown. So I'll just direct the second insult on the list to a couple of local bloggers of my (virtual) acquaintance...

  • "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill
  • "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." --Winston Churchill
  • "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." --Clarence Darrow
  • "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." --William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
  • "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" --Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
  • "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." --Moses Hadas
  • "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --Oscar Wilde
  • "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." --George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  • "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." --Winston Churchill, in response
  • "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." --John Bright
  • "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." --Irvin S. Cobb
  • "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." --Samuel Johnson
  • "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." --Jack E. Leonard
  • "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." --James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
  • "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." --Charles, Count Talleyrand
  • "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." --Forrest Tucker
  • "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" --Mark Twain
  • "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." --Mae West

Posted by George Moneo at October 31, 2006 08:10 AM



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Comments

Val,
That is a great list. It is good to remember some of those, especially on the internet. Val, have you received any e-mails from me? I have treid to send you a note, but perhaps your filter is set very high?

Posted by: hunter [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 08:48 AM

Here's one I always heard attributed to Churchill:

At a dinner party, a woman seated next to Churchill says, 'Winston, you are drunk!.'

Churchill replies, 'And madam, you are ugly. Tomorrow I shall be sober.'

Posted by: Retread [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 10:26 AM

The Shaw-Churchill spat is my favorite.

Posted by: Gigi [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 10:44 AM

The 3rd and the 11th quotes are particularly apropos as they relate to a certain dying horse's ass.

Posted by: Alberto-Q [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 11:49 AM

Lady Astor: Mister Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your tea.

Churchill: Madam, were I your husband, I would surely drink it.

Posted by: Russ [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 12:37 PM

ha ha ha ha Russ that Churchill quote is hilarious

Posted by: qbanartemisa [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 01:10 PM

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

Posted by: Jay [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 04:20 PM

Here's another zinger from the late Oscar Levant (pianist, actor author and wit.)

Upon being introduced to a tipsy, vulgar woman who gushed how happy she was to meet him, Oscar told her, "Madam, I will memorize your name and throw my head away."

Posted by: Grammy in Phila. [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 04:40 PM

Here's another zinger from the late Oscar Levant (pianist, actor, author and wit.)

Upon being introduced to a tipsy, vulgar woman who gushed how happy she was to meet him, Oscar told her, "Madam, I will memorize your name and throw my head away."

Posted by: Grammy in Phila. [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 04:40 PM

Grammy, Levant is one of my favorites. He once quipped: "the world needs to save modest geniuses; there are so few of us left."

Posted by: George L. Moneo [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 31, 2006 10:30 PM

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