What Do Homeless Gingerbread Men, Invasion of Giant Oysters and Cannibalism All Have in Common?

Bob, tell us the answer!

THEY ARE ALL CAUSED BY GLOBAL WARMING!

Yesterday I was listening to Glenn Beck on the radio and I was crying laughing. Glenn found a list of things that are blamed on global warming. The list is huge. He took a few of the more ridiculous-sounding ones and had his producer research them to see why they were blamed. So, yesterday he explained why the following crises are said to be caused by global warming:

--Decline in circumcisions (in Africa, circumcision rituals are performed every 7 years when enough food has been accumulated for the celebration and global warming causes a food shortage, ergo, the food shortage causes a drop in circumcision rates.)

--Early Marriages (In some countries where there are food shortages causes by global warming, parents are marrying off their young daughters so they don't have another mouth to feed.)

I think my very favorite one is gingerbread houses collapsing. Yes. In Sweden, global warming is causing damp weather and the royal icing isn't holding the gingerbread houses together.

If you didn't catch his radio show, the transcript is here and it is a hoot.

There are about a hundred other problems that are caused by global warming which you can find in this list here. Some other favorites are:
-childhood insomnia (kids can't sleep because they are too worried about global warming).

-short-nosed dogs endangered
-struggling brothels
rape waves
Maple syrup shortage,
-human race oblivion
-giant oysters invade,
-crime increase
-cannibalism (this is Ted Turner's gem)
I'm not denying that some of the issues on the list could be legitmate, but as Glenn Beck asked, do you think media alarmism could be the cause of some of these issues? Nah.

After reading the huge list I wondered why I didn't see Cuba's woes listed on it. Surely there are plenty of issues in Cuba that the castros know are caused by global warming. It just makes sense to attribute the Black Spring Crackdown, treatment of political prisoners, lack of due process, work camps, the need for two currencies, unaffordable cell phones and dvd players and censorship on global warming. I know for a fact that raúl doesn't want to free the political prisoners because in doing so, they could protest again, causing more hot air to be pushed into the atmosphere and thus creating more global warming. He's just thinking green, that's all. Also, fidel's health issues? Global warming. Blocking internet access? Did I hear global warming? I am sure that they can come up with plenty of rationales for each one of these. Come on raúl, get on the ball, start laying some blame.

Posted by Claudia4Libertad at April 26, 2008 11:01 PM

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Posted by: Guajiro_de_Broward at April 27, 2008 02:34 AM

Posted by: Guajiro_de_Broward at April 27, 2008 02:35 AM

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