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Damn!
But the gout does run in the family....

Val:

Sorry I am not a doctor but a biochemist, but it is my understanding that gout is caused by too rich a diet. It would seem that you have eaten too much richh Cuban food. My doctor took me off that addictive stuff years ago, when a "guayaba y queso crema" gave me such gall bladder attack that I thought it was my heart. Sorry but all good things must end.

Tienes que dejar de comer CARNE ROJA. Además, es tratable; puede que la tengas ahora, pero si la tratas bien, no te da más.

The disease of royalty...

From http://www.goutcure.com/goutcausfood.html :

All of the foods below can be responsible for excessive uric acid production. Even though some do not contain purines, they can still cause the system to naturally produce uric acid. They are as follows: alcohol, anchovies, asparagus, cauliflower, mushrooms, consommé, herring, meat gravies, broth, bouillon, mussels, sardines, red meats, organ meats, processed meats (hot dogs, lunch meats, etc.), fried foods, roasted nuts, any food cooked in oil (heated oil destroys vitamin E), rich foods (cakes, sugar products, white flour products), dark greens vegetables, dried fruits, fish, caffeine, beans, lentils, eggs, oatmeal, peas, poultry, yeast products, acetaminophen, and low doses of aspirin.

While under a Gout Attack all of the above foods should be completely avoided as well as the following:

Extremely Acid Forming Foods - with a pH of 5.0 to 5.5 - Artificial sweeteners, Carbonated soft drinks & fizzy drinks , Cigarettes , Flour (white wheat), Goat, Lamb, Pastries & cakes from white flour, Pork, Sugar, Beer, Brown sugar, Deer, Chocolate, Coffee , Custard with white sugar, Jams, Jellies, Liquor , Pasta, Rabbit, Semolina, Table salt refined & iodized, Tea black, Turkey, Breads White / Wheat, White rice, vinegar.

KILL. ME. NOW.

Scotch is the cure.

Sorry for the news. But I wonder, what are you supposed to eat during a crisis... no Cuban food I guess.
You know what, no seria mala idea un bañito con flores blancas, cascarilla y poco de perfume, you know, just in case...

Ay Pobrecito!

Val you also need to do the following:

Maintain desirable body weight. Being overweight can result in build up of uric acid in the body.

Drink 8 cups of fluids at least 4 cups as water.

Val
Clearly, someone has given you the old malocchio (evil eye I guess it is in English). Someone is jealous of you and the malocchio has opened you up to all sorts of maladies. You will need a Sicilian strega (witch) to remove it. I am Siclian, and I have been called a witch, but I don't qualify. Or do I? I have something to send you to ward it off.

Thatsa justa likea youa Sicilians. Alwaysa tryinga to helpa... Mille grazie!

Val, after drinking scotch, you can bathe in basil, oregano, and olive oil. that should cure you from any curses and you'll smell like an italian salad.

Here's a page with ways to ward off malocchio:

http://www.luckymojo.com/evileye.html

Here's a selection:

CURES

• Olive oil dripped into water with prayer
• Wax dripped into water with prayer
• Coals or match heads dropped into water with prayer
• Passing a whole raw egg over the face, then breaking it
• Breaking an egg in a dark, shadowed place, unseen
• Breaking an egg and drawing a cross on the victim's forehead
• Throwing an egg into the bushes or against a tree (if tree is victim)
• Placing a broken egg in dish beneath victim's bed
• Piercing a lemon with iron nails
• Victim drinks three sips of holy water
• Victim is bathed in holy water
• Victim spits at giver of evil eye three times
• Water or spittle from inadvertent perpetrator is passed to mouth of victim
• Collection of spittle from group (anonymous donation); victim drinks spittle in holy water

(Note: As Dundes points out, these involve use of fluids and/or eye-shaped objects (egg, lemon) which contain fluid within them)

Val,

Don't worry man - I just visited "El Indio" in Union City. It'll be gone by tomorrow.

LOL

Union City, NJ? Hmmm. Who is this, "El Indio" fellow. We may need his services again...

Val, take my advice. Don't be messin' wit that shit. It's scary.

Drink cherry juice. Trust me on this. And lay off the protein. In the meantime, take it easy!

Ay Dios mio. I suggest we all light una velita blanca. :-)

Firefly is correct, lots of fluids. When gout hit me I wanted to chew my leg off with my own teeth just above the knee. Hope yours resolves quickly.

You CAN have salmon, so maybe that will help cheer you up. And there is a drug that works very well. Hang in there.

George:

Do you think a real strega would publish the sacred secrets on the INTERNET? Some of that stuff is just nasty, although the strega who lived down the street from my grandmother did the olive oil and water bit.

Cigar Mike:
It's not scotch, it's SAMBUCCA. Then we light him on fire like a coffee bean and POOF! he's all better. Crispy, but all better. And we can't do the olive oil, it will just make him too slippery to catch and ignite.

Claudia

Ay Dios mio...
Now I have guilt.

Cuidate, viejo!

No impetigo yet?

I recommend a long stress free weekend at the beach, relax, fast for a couple of days, drink a lot a fluid, and do something fun. It´ll work wonders.

VAl instead of a Babalao ,start to eat bacalao and fish ,forget about steakes like the one I saw you wrestling on bird road, It was a thing to see.
For a moment I though it was going to take off from your table, LMAO

A reference to "El Indio" of union city! I thought I was alone up here in hudson county! haha

In other news, Anheuser-Busch stock just fell 4 points.

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