January 08, 2009

We can dream, can't we?

I got the following in one of those "send this to everyone you know" type of e-mails. Usually, I do not pay much attention to them, but this one piqued my interest. Someone wrote a speech that they thought would be great for the president of the United States, Republican or Democrat, to give.

Although such a speech would never happen, and the practicality of the things mentioned are lacking, we can always dream.

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THEREAFTER IT WILL GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WON'T GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people will no longer be pouring money into third world shit holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call your buddies in France.

You can read the rest of the speech below the fold.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well, so pack up you stuff and get out of our country, consider this as your 30 day notice. I have also instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing any UN diplomats vehicle which are located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

And a special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico, you are also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple thousand extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska -which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. For all you environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to look at List 2 above: pick a country, pack your bags. And please be sure to hand in your US Passport to the Custom Officer before leaving our side of the Boarder.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "AND?"

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America .. Thank you and good night.

Posted by Alberto de la Cruz at January 8, 2009 10:20 AM

Comments

The only thing I disagree with is getting out of Nafta. The trend should always be in the direction of free trade. And don't bother me with it isn't really free because... It is a better world if we can get things with no tariffs. It's cheaper and when we buy from other nations that are poorer than we are, and which one isn't, we are creating jobs in other countries and then they have money to buy things from all over the world. I am a free trader.
I might not argue if you want to put a caveate and say we will not trade with tyrannies. But one of the few good things Clinton did was get Nafta passed. (with the help of Republicans)
I wish we could send the U.N. to Iran and boycott it.

Posted by: honey [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 8, 2009 02:30 PM


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